Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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