I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
