Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
