tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
