I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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