you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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