Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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