Me. At least after what I've been through.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The ass gains better be worth it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
