When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
