for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
