You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
