i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
