my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
