Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
