even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
