...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
