The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
