Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
