My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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