I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
