Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
