I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
