i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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