I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
be right there i have to get my cape
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
