Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
