We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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