Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
