Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
