3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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