I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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