He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
