i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
