omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
