fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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