Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
