I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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