No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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