Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
