thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
