Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
