I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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