I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
