Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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