Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Congratulations! We have a period
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