OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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