What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
