at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
