He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
