I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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