Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
