He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
