I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
