He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
