I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
