We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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