Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
