Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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