I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
