i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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