omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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